Vol. 27, No. 1
January 2024

Why is it so Hard to Engage Fathers?

by Rick Zechman

If after just meeting you, I asked you to tell me some of your most personal experiences, would you share that with me? Probably not. Building rapport and trust takes time. Often, fathers have already felt judged and labeled. They've been told they're deadbeat, absent, uninvolved, or have a record. Child welfare workers can get off to an even more rocky start with fathers because they may have had previous experience with child welfare or the legal system that wasn't exactly positive. It's embarrassing to open yourself up to another's judgments and sometimes feels meaningless if that doesn't result in increased time with your child.

I once worked with a father who loved spending time with his child every day. Later, when the couple separated, this man's relationship with the child's mother became challenging. Spending time with his child became more and more difficult. Over time, conflict with her made him dread the task of coordinating time to see his child. He didn't have money for an attorney to seek a custody and visitation agreement, and he was behind on child support. The negative feelings of guilt, shame, and being dead broke spiraled. Contact with his child became less and less frequent. He wondered what would be different for his child if he was more present in his child's life.

Benefits of an Engaged Father

Having a father engaged in their child's life impacts their well-being. The Fatherhood Project reviewed a comprehensive compilation of research on the impacts of father engagement during different childhood development stages and found some significant benefits for children.

Fathers:

Can be as equally attached to infants as mothers.

Occupy a critical role in child development. A father's absence hinders development from early infancy through childhood and into adulthood. The psychological harm of a father's absence experienced during childhood persists throughout the life course.

Using authoritative parenting (loving and with clear boundaries and expectations) leads to better emotional, academic, social, and behavioral outcomes for children.

The quality of the relationship with their child matters more than the specific number of hours spent together. Non-resident fathers can have positive effects on children's social and emotional well-being, as well as their academic achievement and behavioral adjustment.

Father Engagement/Involvement:

Is related to positive child health outcomes in infants.

High levels of involvement are correlated with higher levels of sociability, confidence, and self-control in children. Children with involved fathers are less likely to act out in school or engage in risky behaviors in adolescence.

Children with actively involved fathers are 43% more likely to earn A's in school and 33% less likely to repeat a grade than those without engaged dads.

Reduces the frequency of behavioral problems in boys while also decreasing delinquency and economic disadvantage in low-income families.

Reduces psychological problems and rates of depression in young women.

Children who feel a closeness to their father are twice as likely as those who do not to enter college or find stable employment after high school, 75% less likely to have a teen birth, 80% less likely to spend time in jail, and half as likely to experience multiple depression symptoms.

Having a father engaged in the life of a child can also increase their connections to the support of paternal relatives. Increased social connections are a protective factor linked to a lower incidence of child abuse and neglect. In child welfare services, we've seen the benefits of having a father involved in their child's life. Taking the time to engage fathers is an investment.

Is related to positive child health outcomes in infants.

Strategies for Father Engagement

Fathers' initial reaction to child welfare workers contacting them could look like anger, defensiveness, or ambivalence. They don't owe us their cooperation; we must earn it. If we want fathers to trust us to help them gain the skills they need to resolve concerns, effective communication is essential.

Be an empathetic listener. Fathers may need to vent their frustrations or fears. Be calm, even when they're overwhelmed with negative emotions. Don't judge them for what they did or did not do.

Acknowledge the challenges they're facing. For example, you might say "I can't imagine what it must be like to have your child enter foster care and then navigate the court system. That's got to be overwhelming!"

They may have lots of questions about navigating the child welfare system. Explain the process of what's happening from start to finish. It's okay to acknowledge the system can be frustrating but reassure them you are there for support.

Ask coaching questions to help understand what they want to improve. For example, "From what you've shared, I understand you aren't happy with how things have been going. What do you wish would be different or better? What do you need to happen to help you get there?"

Listen to what they believe will help them. Their opinions may be different than yours, but if they feel heard, it demonstrates respect. If you agree to help them obtain concrete support, assistance in navigating resources, or finding an answer to a question, follow through. That will help build trust.

Resources

Access and Visitation Program: A regional Family Court resource for non-custodial parents who seek access and visitation with their child. The program emphasizes that both parents should have an active role in their child's life. https://www.nccourts.gov/programs/access-and-visitation-program

To access the Child Welfare Information Gateway click HERE

References for this and other articles in this issue