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Vol. 28, No. 2
July 2025
Workers Reflect on Benefits of Crucial Conversations Skills
The course "Empowered Conversations: Building Trust and Collaboration in Child Welfare" teaches skills for building trust, navigating conflict, and supporting families with empathy and accountability. To learn how child welfare professionals are integrating these skills into their daily practice, Practice Notes spoke with Ashli Malone, Child Welfare Specialist in Investigations with Mecklenburg County Department of Social Services, and Amy Walker, Permanency Planning Worker with Yadkin County Human Services. Both named specific skills taught in "Empowered Conversations" that have enhanced their ability to notice and respond to emotional cues, create and restore safety, and stay grounded during tough conversations.
Skill #1: Start with the Heart
For Malone, Start with the Heart has become a foundational practice. "I use it a lot because I want myself and the families to feel comfortable," she explains. Before entering conversations, she takes a moment to ask herself the Start with the Heart questions: What do I really want for this family? For myself? For our relationship? How will I behave if I really want these things? This grounds her, allowing her to focus on connection rather than control, especially in complex domestic violence, substance use, or mental health cases. Walker says she also spends time before conversations planning how she wants them to go and identifying questions that may arise and ways she can offer support.
By starting with how they want themselves and families to feel supported and heard, Malone and Walker prepare not just with resources but with the right mindset. This inner alignment helps them engage from a place of authenticity and empathy, paving the way for trust and collaboration.
Skill #2: Learn to Look
Both Malone and Walker credit the Learn to Look skill with improving their emotional self-awareness and ability to read a room. Malone shares, "I know I don't feel safe when my hands get sweaty and cold and my heart races. That's my sign to step back." Recognizing these signs in herself allows her to manage her responses before they escalate. She also watches for cues in families-such as withdrawal, anger, or apathy-that may indicate they feel unsafe.
Walker says the Learn to Look skill helps her be more observant of verbal and nonverbal cues, her own as well as those she is talking to. Identifying early indicators allows workers to slow the conversation down and shift their approach before things spiral. It allows them to remain present and compassionate, even during heated or emotional encounters.
Skill #3: Make It Safe
A particularly challenging interaction shows how simple yet powerful the Make It Safe skill can be. Malone says that during one initiation, "As soon as I said I was with CPS, the mom cursed me out." Rather than reacting defensively, Malone paused the conversation and offered to connect a little later. This gave both parties time to reset, and the mother ended up calling Malone back. "On my way to the home visit, I asked myself the Start with the Heart questions. When I arrived, I was able to stay calm and acknowledge the mom's feelings. She ended up apologizing to me." Malone's non-reactive, empathetic approach helped the mother feel safe enough to collaborate and the case was quickly resolved.
Walker shared a Make It Safe example from court. At a one-year custody hearing, she recommended changing a child's permanent plan from reunification to adoption. She says, "Looking back, I didn't fully acknowledge the parents' struggles. I'm glad the judge didn't agree and allowed the family to continue with the plan for reunification."
Walker later apologized to the family for quickly jumping to change the plan. Apologizing is one way to reestablish safety within a conversation, and part of the Make It Safe skill. After this exchange, Walker recommitted to working collaboratively. "Since then, communication has been fantastic," she says. "Using Make It Safe helped restore trust and move us forward."
A Message to Fellow Child Welfare Workers
Both Malone and Walker emphasized that crucial conversation skills are not just useful; they are essential. Whether in assessments, permanency planning, or supervision, these tools equip social workers to enter emotionally charged situations with clarity, compassion, and confidence.
Malone reminds colleagues, "Families are the experts in their own lives. We may come in with badges and clipboards, but empathy is what builds rapport." Walker adds, "Unconscious bias can easily cloud our perception. These skills help us recognize our own influence and make conversations about partnership, not power."
For child welfare professionals, crucial conversation skills are more than a toolkit. They are a mindset that sees families not as problems to be fixed, but as partners worth listening to and fighting for.