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©
2003 Jordan Institute
for Families
Vol.
8, No. 3
May 2003
Understanding and Helping Children Exposed to Domestic Violence
Know that children may feel . . .
Afraid:
- Their mom/dad will be hurt or killed
- They or their siblings will be hurt or killed
- They’ll make things worse if they tell
- The battering parent won’t
love them anymore if they tell
Angry:
- With the battering parent, the parent being abused, siblings, other family members, and with themselves for not stopping the violence
Confused:
- They may love and hate the battering parent
- They may not know what causes the violence or how to stop it
- They may be confused about whether it is abuse at all
Helpless:
- To stop the violence
- To escape the abuse permanently
- To get help for themselves, the batterer, the abused parent, siblings
Guilty:
- They believe they are the “cause” of the violence
- They believe they should intervene but sometimes don’t
- They use unhealthy coping mechanisms to “feel better” or “escape”
Source:
NCCWDVC, 2002
To support these children child welfare workers can:
- Support the child’s
mother by helping her establish a safety plan and by connecting her
to resources that promote her independence
- Identify
and support those factors that shield children living in violent homes
from harm. Protective factors include:
— Child is old enough and mature enough to carry out a safety plan when violence occurs at home
— Child has a positive relationships (with family members, neighbors, and friends) that will support him during a crisis
— Child is self-reliant and willing and able to seek help
— Child’s caretaker is willing to seek help for domestic violence
— Caretaker’s primary concern is the safety of the child
— Adult victim has good parenting and coping skills
Source: Ganley & Schechter, 1996