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Vol. 28, No. 2
July 2025
Applying Crucial Conversations Skills in Child Welfare
Effective communication has always been an important part of good social work practice. Navigating difficult conversations requires a higher level of skill to partner with families to address concerns. As noted in "Empowered Conversations: Building Trust and Collaboration in Child Welfare," the North Carolina Department of Health and Human Services, Division of Social Services (NCDHHS DSS) is launching a new course in fall 2025 to help strengthen this skillset.
To learn how a course rooted in crucial conversation skills and tailored for a child welfare audience can help, Practice Notes spoke with Emi Wyble, NCDHHS DSS Regional Abuse and Medical Specialists Manager.
When Wyble was with Wake County Health and Human Services, she was among a group of supervisors and managers who received specialized training to teach the skills from the bestselling book, Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High. Wyble says the training had a positive impact on the agency because "it provided practical skills for effective communication from day one, enabling us to apply these skills immediately in our conversations." Wyble shared that in her experience, when leaders model these skills, staff are more likely to adopt them in their interactions with families.
"I found these skills can be used with anyone," Wyble says, "whether in personal relationships, community meetings, workplace interactions, with children, in faith communities, or with partners."
Emi Wyble
Maintaining Dialogue
For Wyble, one takeaway from the training was that crucial conversations are not about winning arguments but about maintaining dialogue, especially when disagreements arise. It is essential to stay engaged in discussions, particularly in critical areas like child welfare, where ongoing involvement is necessary. Staying involved means asking how we can continue sharing ideas and information, aiming for outcomes that satisfy both parties, even if neither gets everything they wanted. The ultimate goal is to ensure the safety of children.
Wyble believes "working in child welfare requires that frontline workers, supervisors, and leadership have the skills necessary to navigate challenging yet crucial conversations while building trust and strengthening collaboration and decision making." Learning these skills helps people feel more prepared and more confident to stay in dialogue, even when addressing sensitive topics like the safety of a child with families or staff performance with workers.
Key Skills
While there are many crucial conversation skills, the three that resonate most with Wyble are Start with Heart, Learn to Look, and Make It Safe.
The Start with Heart skill encourages individuals to consider their own needs, the needs of others, and the relationship at stake before entering a conversation. An example shared in the new course involves a worker asking the questions below before going out on a home visit:
What do I really want for myself? I want to maintain my relationship with the caretaker and engage her in making a plan for her child (rather than focusing on getting her to agree with my plan).
What do I really want for others? I want the child to be safe and the family to remain together (rather than focusing on pushing her to admit that she has a problem with substances).
What do I really want for the relationship? I want to partner with this parent so she will engage in honest, respectful conversations about her child's safety. I want her to feel heard (rather than trying to convince her that I am right and that she needs to stop using substances).
How would I behave if I really wanted these results? To get these results, I remain calm and engaged so I can clearly and honestly share both what is working well in the family and what my safety concerns are. I would ask more questions and offer fewer suggestions (rather than trying to "win" the conversation by getting her to admit she has a problem and needs treatment).
The Learn to Look skill helps individuals recognize when a conversation is becoming crucial and allows them to adjust their approach accordingly. Wyble says, "If during a conversation a caregiver begins to yell, that is an opportunity for the worker to recognize the conversation has turned crucial. It is vital to maintain emotional safety." If emotions escalate, it can lead to a breakdown in communication. Recognizing signs of discomfort in oneself and others is essential for redirecting the conversation back to a productive dialogue. Wyble explains, "To me, Learn to Look is a great skill when you get caught off guard, that all of a sudden, a conversation turned crucial." There are a couple of strategies that can help us stay in dialogue. One option is to go back to the Start with Heart questions. If that does not work, the worker could use another strategy to Make It Safe.
The Make It Safe skill is what you can do when you notice that emotional safety is at risk and you need to step back and rebuild safety. For example, to rebuild safety with a caregiver, Wyble suggests a worker say "First, let me apologize. I don't want you to hear that I think you're a bad parent. I do believe you want your child to be safe. There has been a concern raised that your child is young and staying home alone for extended periods. Can we talk about that?" Conversations stall if someone feels unsafe, preventing trust, collaboration, and ultimately, family and agency outcomes.
Learning and Using the Skills
Wyble encourages anyone interested in learning more to start with the book Crucial Conversations. "I think the book does a really good job of showing you the tools. And then I would go to the class and see how that comes to life."
She also recommends picking out three or four skills that stand out to you. "Look at foundational skills, like Make It Safe. If folks don't feel safe, they're not talking. Even if that is a harder skill or takes longer, I would still focus on how to recognize when people don't feel emotionally safe and how to rebuild safety."
Social workers should also practice these skills with their supervisors-for example, by role-playing potential scenarios to prepare for difficult conversations. Wyble says, "It's essential to ensure staff are equipped to handle challenging discussions, especially when child safety is at stake. While the book offers numerous skills, becoming proficient in even a few can significantly improve communication and relationships."